Body Language and Attraction

1. Introduction – Where does this all start?

Body language is defined as nonverbal, and mostly unconscious,

communication through use of gestures, postures, facial expressions,

and alike. To the trained eye, it can reveal the thoughts of any and

everyone, as well as their current emotional condition.

Various studies have indicated that communication made

between people in facetoface conversation, consists of a less

than 35% verbal component, and an 85% non verbal component.

Examples of this can be seen in every day life; a woman who is

conscious of having gained weight about her thighs will smooth her

dress down, and a guy who is unhappy will sit down with his arms

folded, legs crossed, and a slight frown on his face.

Studies also indicate that women are much more

perceptive than

men – Hate to break it to you guys, but most of you just aren’t wired

that way.

The average woman has over 14 areas of her brain dedicated to

communication, whereas the average man will only have between 4

and 6. This doesn’t mean that guys have no hope of reading body

language accurately; it just means that most men will have to

consciously try to read a person’s body language, whereas

most women will automatically do it subconsciously.

This Writeup will help you explore and define the different actions,

postures, and gestures of a person who likes you and is seeking your

attention. It is important to understand that as well as being able to

pinpoint whether a person is using gestures that indicate he or she

likes you, it is just as important to be able to spot those gestures that

indicate whether a person doesn’t like you – to help you gain a

balanced view of their true feelings.

2. Ground Rules for Accurate Body Language Reading

One of the most common mistakes a rookie body language reader

will make is to interpret individual gestures in isolation of other

gestures.

For example, when someone rubs their left hand on their right arm it

can indicate many things – negative feelings, sore arm, or maybe

they are just cold – it all depends on the other gestures they are using

at the time.

Another key factor is the circumstances under which certain gestures

are made. A classic example of this is ‘the woman in the short skirt’,

who sits with her ankles crossed tightly in front of her. Ankle crossing

is usually associated with negativity and defense, however a woman

with a short skirt may cross her ankles for certain obvious, necessary

reasons – i.e. she may not be being negative, she may just be trying

to stop people seeing up her skirt.

Remember that practice makes perfect. Body language isn’t always

easy to read because there is often so much going on at one time

that it’s hard to keep track of it all. My suggestion is that you take 15

minutes each day and dedicate it to reading peoples’ body language.

This way in time, reading body language will become second nature.

3. What Do The Eyes Tell Us?

Often described as the windows to the soul, the eyes can give us

great insight into the true thoughts and feelings of a person in any

situation.

Dilating Pupils

When someone is feeling positive, when they like the company

they are keeping, and when they hear something that they

agree with, their pupils will dilate. When someone is feeling

negative, when they don’t like the company they are keeping,

and when they hear something they disagree with, their pupils

will contract.

Dilating and contracting pupils are known as ‘microgestures’ –

they cannot be consciously controlled and often go unnoticed

by the untrained eye.

Although dilating pupils are often signals that a person likes

you, it is important to read this gesture in context. As we all

know, changing light levels also affect how dilated or contracted

our pupils become, low light will result in dilated pupils, and

bright light will results in contracted pupils. Always look for this

micro gesture and evaluate it against other gestures being used

by the particular individual.

‘Looking Up’

Used particularly by women, this gesture involves lowering the

head at the neck, and looking upwards at the other person. This

gesture makes people appear more childlike, and evokes a

parenting reaction in both men and women. If someone uses

this gesture on you, it is likely that they’d like you to perceive

them as ‘cute’ and vulnerable, i.e. in need of care.

Eye Contact

Making lots of eye contact is a way to show interest or respect.

The more eye contact a person makes with you, the more that

person likes you. Studies also show that even if you aren’t

initiating the eye contact, the more you look into someone’s

eyes, the more romantic and enjoyable they will find your

company.

It is important to remember that making too much eye contact

early on in a relationship can sometimes make people feel

pressured and insecure. If you are trying to make a good

impression on someone, build up a slight rapport first, and

then gradually increase the amount of eye contact you give

them.

4. The Smile

Smiles are often big indicators of whether or not someone likes you.

The key thing most people (men in particular) don’t realize is that

there are different types of smile, and that each type of smile can

mean a completely different thing. Therefore when someone is

smiling at you, it isn’t always a signal to make your move and go talk

to them.

Many people use fake smiles to make them appear approachable

and submissive. A fake smile can be spotted because it involves

only the jaw muscles working, whereas a true smile involves both the

jaw muscles and the muscles around the eyes.

A true smile will often produce ‘crow’s feet’ around a person’s eyes,

and the person’s teeth are usually visible. A true smile is an indicator

that a person likes you, however there are many types of smile that

we see from day to day – not all of them mean positive things.

The Tight Lipped Smile

A tight lipped smile is spotted frequently in every day life. It is

exactly what it says on the tin – the lips are stretched across

the face forming a straight line, and the teeth are not visible.

The tight lipped smile is often used by someone who is hiding

something that they don’t want to share with you.

It is a favorite used by women who don’t want to show that they

don’t like someone. Most men are completely oblivious to the

true meaning of this smile.

Sideways Looking Up

This gesture consists of a tight lipped smile coupled with the

‘Looking Up’ gesture from the ‘Eyes’ section in this Writeup.

Contrary to the meaning of the solitary tight lipped smile, this

gesture is used mainly by women to convey that they like

someone. This smile invokes the parental, caring instincts in

men, who see the smiler as playful, and juvenile.

5. What Hands Say About People

There are 2 basic rules you have to remember when looking at hand

gestures: Open palms (when you can see the palms of someone’s

hands) suggests openness, honesty, and a liking, whilst closed palms

(when you can see the back of someone’s hands) suggests that they

may be hiding something, are closed to your ideas, or are feeling like

they are in authority.

Classic examples of this are seen in every day life. When people are

apologizing, they may say something like “I’m sorry” coupled with

presenting their two open palms. The open palmed gesture is like

saying “I feel comfortable around you, I like you, I am being honest,

and I have nothing to hide.” If you see someone making open palmed

gestures at you, take this to heart and read their other gestures to

confirm how they are feeling.

Closed palm gestures are used frequently too. For example when a

child is lying or concealing something they will hide their hands

behind their backs, and when someone doesn’t feel like talking they

will put their hands in their pockets – symbolizing that they are

‘closed’ and don’t want to talk.

Again it is important to bear in mind that hands in pockets may also

simply mean that the person is cold, or something else. Remember to

read all gestures in groups and context.

6. Arm Signals

In body language, the arms are known as barriers that are put up to

protect a person from harm. Arms gestures are typically used when a

person is lacking in self confidence, feels threatened, or just doesn’t

want to hear what you are currently saying.

Arm gestures aren’t a definitive “I don’t like you”, however they

do indicate when a person is having negative feelings towards

you.

When someone is using repetitive negative arm gestures, coupled

with crossed legs or ankles, you’ll know its time to change the

conversation.

Crossed Arms over Chest

Both arms are folded across the chest – this is a universal

signal used everywhere. Its meaning is clear, “I don’t agree with

what you are saying, I am uncertain, I don’t like this situation”.

Self Hug

The self hug is characterized by one arm at a person’s side,

and the other arm clutching at their elbow. As children, our

parents or carers hugged us when we were feeling sad,

uncertain, or tense. The self hug is an attempt to recreate the

feeling of security we got from those hugs. A person using this

gesture is likely feeling insecure.

Elbow Touching

Everyone likes to be touched. Interestingly, studies shows that

people who touch others elbow are more liked than those who

do no touching. I say elbows in italics because it is just that,

elbows only.

The reason elbow touching is acceptable is because it is far

away from the intimate parts of the body; touch a stranger

anywhere above or below the elbow and their reaction may

be a little different.

It is a fact that girls do more touching than guys, but equally: if a

girl or guy touches your elbow it is a sure fire sign that they like

you, and that they want your attention.